January 6, 2001

Man, I could hardly believe it. Two Harry spottings in less than two months. And to think it only happened less than 24 hours ago.

It all started out - as it always does, with a trip to the old Alamo Drafthouse Cinema. We had actually visited the night before to see "Pee Wees Big Adventure", which kicks serious ass.

Turns out that my brother came into town. We wanted to show him the sights and what's more Austin-y than a movie theater you can drink beer at??!!!

Anyway, we sojourned to the Alamo and walked into the theater. There, in the front seat, was the Empresario of Exclamation points himself, Harry Knowles. He actually stood out pretty well because he always sits in the front row and he's got a pretty massive sized mane of red hair.

Long time readers of this column will recall that El Flojo, much like Harry, has a personal penchant for sitting very close to the screen. If you sit close enough, it's like watching a 3-D movie. Well, Harry was there in the front row - sans Posse - and I would be damned if he would stand in my way.

Which brings us to an interesting point. When we saw the show the evening before, the night was Harry-less, so, naturally, we took the prime "Aint It Cool Seats" normally occupied by the Aint-It-Cool gang. It was in these seats that we noticed something. You see, at the Alamo, in front of all the seats you have a little railing on which to set your drinks and food and whatnot. The railing in front of the "Aint It Cool Seats" was DANGEROUSLY loose. I had to be very careful not to bump into the rail, lest I send our tasty pitcher of Dos Equis (con lime!) flying!!! Had the AICN posse rigged the railing? Was this a trap for the intrepid El Flojo or perhaps some other patron daring to seat themselves in the realm of AICN-ocity?

So, there we were watching Pee Wees Big Adventure a couple of seats down from Harry and his pops. Things were pretty tight in the front row. My bro was on the end, so I decided to scootch down a seat so he could get a better view of the screen. Now there were only TWO SEATS separating me from AICNess. But apparently, that wasn't enough, because Harry and pops decide to scoot down another seat. I was sorely tempted to scoot down again - just to see what would happen - but contained myself.

Now, it was at about this point that the losers sitting behind us decided to try to impress Harry with THEIR geekocity. The guy starts rattling some obscure film crap for every trailer that runs by and the girl laughs WAY TOO MUCH at everything on screen. And, with God as my witness, even said "Tee hee hee" as she chortled. Luckily, however, Harry was not moved and ignored them for the duration of the show.

About halfway through the movie is when things heated up. Literally. It was pretty hot in the theater, so I took off my flannel and my baseball cap. I set the cap down on the railing in front of me. At this point, Harry took his one and only bathroom break for the duration of the film. Standing up, he starts to squeeze by me and, in the process, KNOCKS MY BASEBALL CAP OFF OF THE RAILING AND ONTO THE FLOOR OF THE ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE!!!! No "excuse me" or "I'm sorry". Just this simple act that can be taken as nothing more than a declaration of war.

So that's it. The gauntlet has been thrown down. I will not rest until my cap has been avenged. Other than that, Harry was very well behaved. He had a sundae and what appeared to be a pitcher of either Coke or Dr. Pepper (not to mention, Mr. Pibb, or Doctor B., or TAB!!).

Oh hell, I almost forgot the most entertaining portion of the evening. Once again, during the closing credits of the film, Harry played along on an imaginary keyboard just like he did during the screening of "TRON" a while back. And to be perfectly honest, I'll have to admit that Harry plays a pretty bitching air-keyboard. Maybe he was hoping that Danny was in the audience, would see him jamming and ask him to join the Oingo-Boingo reunion tour. But what really made the performance worthwhile was the way that Harry threw in a little "I'm conducting the air orchestra, too" with his index finger. Now - I know a lot of people who can jam with the best of them with one air instrument, but to rock the house AND conduct the orchestra at the same time?

I think someone missed their true calling.

flojo